


before the end

by fallencrest



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 15:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1783378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallencrest/pseuds/fallencrest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They aren't friends and they aren't partners but they're something, some solace for each other at the end of the universe.</p>
<p>(Set early in season 3.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	before the end

They've lost a lot, both of them. Everyone's lost a lot though - they're not unique, not the only ones left living through this - and they are the lucky ones. They still have each other, the group, a few symbolic reminders of who they were. (Merle's bike, a hat, a badge, a son, a crossbow, a gun.) And Daryl feels lucky, feels luckier than he ever has, more useful, like a better person. He doesn't understand how that works when he's up to his elbows in deadman's blood but it's how he feels. At the same time though, he sees Rick there. He sees Rick who's grieving for his best friend and whose wife looks at him like he's a stranger and speaks to him as the leader of the group, protector of them all, not like he's her husband, her personal protector, keeper, a man she loves. And it's hard to watch. And it's hard to resent Rick, for all the doubts Daryl has about their chances for survival, Rick's hopes and plans, because Rick's just a man who has lost almost everything - same as everyone else. Daryl wishes he could fix that, fix the group and Rick's marriage; but he can't put it back together any more than he can make people come back from the dead as their real selves instead of walkers. He tries to be there for Rick, all the same, - because he can do that, can sit with him when he's silent or listen when he speaks, can do some of the hard things so Rick doesn't have to and carry a little of the weight.

And that's how they become whatever it is that they are. Daryl isn't looking to replace Shane - he wouldn't want to - and isn't looking to vie for power the way that Shane did. He doesn't even want to be Rick's friend, doesn't want to drink a few beers and talk about nothing - he'd rather have the silence and the knowledge that they can both speak if they need to. They become allies, maybe, but they aren't partners, don't pretend to be equals or that they both want the same things. They're just there, just presences in each other's lives, and Daryl finds a place for himself as Rick's shadow.

The strangest thing is the way Rick looks at him sometimes- like Daryl's something else, something he's not used to being. And Daryl is pretty sure he knows what that look means, the hunger in it, the way Rick doesn't look away until he knows Daryl's noticed. And Daryl knows that he could let Rick know, let Rick catch him looking that same way, or maybe just sit a little closer, put a hand on Rick's shoulder when he didn't need to and that would be it, enough to set something else in motion, like pulling a trigger. Only this is one time that he's not sure of his marksmanship - not sure where he'd hit, what the damage would be - and he knows that Rick can't afford another loss right now, needs to keep things in order, running smooth, no more complications, and this could be a complication, if Daryl let it play out. 

But they pass the point when Daryl should've told Rick to stop looking at him like that and that's as good as an invitation, really. So Daryl's not surprised when Rick's voice goes softer, coaxing, like he's talking to a spooked animal, and Rick asks if Daryl wants to come over there, get closer, says everyone else is asleep, no-one's around. And, yeah, Daryl wants to, but he says "don't you be trying anything" even as he moves to sit right up next to Rick, pressed side to side. And they fall asleep like that, that night, and Daryl pretends not to notice Rick's fingers in his hair. 

It evolves from there. A sort of slip-slide into something more than what they were before - except that it's all still just watching each other's backs, looking out for each other. And maybe there's more straying hands and hitched breathing but, otherwise, it isn't so different. Not until Rick leans in close one night, mouth inches away from Daryl's, and breathes "can I?" And, objectively, that's just another kind of touching, no more intimate than Rick's hand on his cock, but it means something else and Daryl knows that. And he knows, because Rick even bothers to ask, that it isn't some small thing for Rick, any more than it is for him. But he kisses Rick anyway, leans in and closes the distance himself - in spite of what it might mean or because of it. And he wonders what they're building here, in the wreckage of the universe; knows, as he feels Rick's fingers on his neck, that, whatever it is, they're building it together.


End file.
